loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
