what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
