she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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