hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
