Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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