Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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