im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
babies were throwing up all over the place
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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