you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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