Quick, to the slutcave!
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
