Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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