We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Randomize
