Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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