his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
