She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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