Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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