k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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