I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
