I can text with my tongue
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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