she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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