I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
