She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
