i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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