hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Randomize
