OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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