friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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