I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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