i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
