i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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