can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Oh god it's open bar.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
