I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
