Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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