Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
