but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
ttyl tear gas
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Randomize
