direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Randomize
