so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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