yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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