alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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