Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
