I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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