Yo dont text me then not text me
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
