I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
