oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
