i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
