I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
smell my finger.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
