i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
