Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
