I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Randomize
