can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
