oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
