there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
