You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
