Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
