I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
