"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
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